Racing

On Sunday, October 16, 2011, Dad, Julie and I ran in the Atlantic City Marathon races in your memory.  Dad and Julie ran the 1/2 Marathon and I ran my first race ever, a 10K.  It was tough, but it was beautiful.  Your sunshine made the day glorious.  I would have preferred to eat breakfast with you while waiting for Dad to finish, but what I did this time was much more important.  Thanks for seeing me through it.

With me every step of the way...

Mere was there with me when a car came out of nowhere. My car was totaled; I was fine. Thanks Mom!

Mere was there with me when I gave up something I loved dearly, and she helped me get it back. Thanks Mom!

Mere was there with me today when I went car shopping and had an easy, wonderful experience. Thanks Mom!

I know she'd be thrilled to see me in a safe car, with basic amenities like air conditioning and power locks and windows! Ha! I've been stressed about this whole process, ever since my car was hit last Tuesday. Dina, Dad, and so many friends helped me through it. I am grateful for you all in my life and for my mamma keeping me safe.

8 months

How is that 8 months have passed?!  It makes me sad. 

I think Mom wanted me to have some happy thoughts today, so there have been lots of Disney references, reminding me that she felt it was the happiest place on Earth. So I'll be going...February 2012.

Road Trips

One of the best things about road trips was calling you on my way to and from. It was such fun to discuss what happened along the way. I missed you so much today.  I felt lonely but loved.  I know you helped me drive safely.  Love you.

Tough Times

So wish you were here.  You always said the right things and gave a different perspective and helped us to stay positive.  Truly the most remarkable woman I will ever know. Miss you.

Hands

Mom had the softest hands ever (and it wasn't from not working)!  I miss them.

Last day...

Wish I could be sitting with Mom, doing our gift show and tell.

This time last year

On Sunday last year, it was my birthday. Mom left the best message on my phone while I was at yoga. I went to church after and prayed and cried the whole time. I chatted with the family and it just wasn't the same sort of day with mom back in the hospital.

The girls distracted me with a Diamondback's game and drinks, but it was hard.

I wish, more than anything, that I still had that msg from Mom. I listened to it for months and then finally deleted it. Sigh.

I can't wait for some family time - 9 more days. According to Dina, I better start packing. Love to you all...

End of the Year Show...

This week, I had my end of the year show.  Mom was on my mind so much. 

Last year she showed such determination.  She had just learned that the cancer was back and that she would need to begin treatment immediately.  Well instead of going to the hospital right away, she asked for a 1/2 day delay.  She needed to have her end of the year show with her class.  And she did and it was beautiful and she felt so good about being able to say good bye and happy summer to the children. She was an amazing educator!

Memories...

So I've been thinking about last Memorial Day.  Mom was healing from her back/leg pain and walking with her dad's cane.  We went to Margate and ate at Ventura's Greenhouse on the beach next to Lucy.  In order to cross the street, Mom had to wave her cane at the cars going by, hoping that someone would stop to let us over.  It was a good bit of walking, but Mom was a great trooper and she had such great spirits. The weather was cool but it was nice to be out among the people.

After lunch, we went to a friend's house for a short visit and I remember saying, "They (lab) must have made a mistake.  No way could those blood results be right."

We Love You!

Happy Birthday!

It's your birthday! I wish you were here for so many reasons, but one reason is simply because you would make it fun!  You always had a way to liven up everything.  Last year I bought you sunscreen to get ready for the beach as well as foot lotion and soothing socks to help with your foot pain.  I think Dad got you flowers for the house and Julie sent an edible fruit bouquet.  It seemed like a normal birthday. We had no idea what was in store for us! 

This day last year, God sent us a sign...you woke up with intense back pain that ruined your birthday spirits.  It forced you to the doctor's to learn several days later that the cancer had all come back.  Maybe that was a birthday gift?  Because would we have found out in time to fight it and keep you with us until December?  Seriously, you had had a check up in April and was in full remission.  How could this be!

Hawaiian Day

Mom would've rocked this day out of the park. She would have had a hawaiian shirt, those giant red hibiscus earrings, leis, etc. She really knew how to show school spirit. I miss her very much today, just thinking about this time last year. She was working on the end of the year show.

Last Laugh

So on this day, 5 months ago, I heard your laugh for the last time.  The world is a heavier place without it.  I miss our conversations laced with sarcasm and humor.  Right now, we would be venting about the end of the year craziness, Arnold and his indiscretions, and how much more rain are we going to see. You would probably say, laughter is everything...I believe you, but I want more laughs with you. 

Going Golfing - gasp, gasp!

Oh, I am NOT really golfing. I am driving the cart and hanging with my 3 friends who are golfing. I had no real golf clothes, but have managed to pull something together. Long brown shorts, and blousy shirt with a very slight collar, and...Mom's slip on skecher's from Christmas from dad. They fit a lot better than they did in December - being down almost 20 lbs. I think the shoes make me look a little more preppy - thanks Mere!

Oh the Car!

Where is Mom for all her worldly advice? I was trying to call a friend about a ride, since I had to take my car in and I accidentally brought up "Mom Cell" on my phone. Today would've been a nice day to talk. She would've put everything into the just right perspective for me. She would even say nice things about my car, even though it is falling apart and really annoying at times.

Anyway, today at work, someone thought it would be swell to smash the quarter glass window of my car. Uggh.

Tick Check

Today was our class field trip and we went to the wildlife refuge.  It was a good trip.  However, very buggy.  I found myself quoting Mom at the end of the day when I reminded all the children to conduct a tick check tonight at home. 

I remember Mom always checking behind our ears, on our neck, scalp, armpits, etc., after spending all day outside.  She would often do a check on Dad when he was done hunting. She would say, "Tick  check, tick check!" and we would come running with our arms up.

Weather bear

Today I passed along Weather bear to a Kindergarten friend.  This was one of Mom's favorite calendar activities and everytime we went to A.C. Moore, she had to purchase a new seasonal sweater to help teach the months and weather. It is one of the best dressed teddybears ever!  It even has its own suitcase for its clothes.

At the time, I remember rolling my eyes when she would buy another or I would drag her away from that aisle, telling her she had enough. Now I would gladly give her all the teddybear sweaters in the world!

Last year, this year

One of Mom's favorite games to play with her family was "what were we doing last week/last month/last year ago on this day?" and it's a game we all play at some point or another. I know I'm constantly reflecting back.

Last year on Mother's Day, Tara was graduating from Marywood University. Several hours before that, Sean and Ellen were having their twins, Rosie first and then Jude a few hours later shortly before midnight. And Mom was in good health at that point. A lot to celebrate.

We stuffed ourselves into those tiny, uncomfortable chairs, a whole line of us, O'Connors and Abbamondis, and we waited to see Tara get called up for her diploma. Afterwards, we went out to dinner at some kind of steakhouse. I remember waiting awhile, but all of us in good spirits about it. The food had to be good. I gave Mom and Mrs. O cards for Mother's Day, and Mom liked what I wrote to her; I can't recall the specifics, but something about how her children are really just a reflection of herself, and how perfect that is. As dinner ended and we began to part ways, Mom tried to give me some cash. A folded five. I told her "no," and she tried again. I again said "no," but she was resilient, having to forcefully put the money in my hand. I remember that strongly, as I had frustrated her to a point that I regret.

That was last year's Mother's Day. Today...well, it was strange. Certainly bittersweet. Went to church, and the Rockaway Mall, and then took a nap. Thought about Mom a lot, about how May was her month, with three things to celebrate: Mother's Day, her birthday, and the weather turning warmer.

Happy Mother's Day

Hi Mom,

I wonder what you are doing today. Did you go to Woolworth's with Grandma for a soda? Are you taking a walk on the beach somewhere? Are you checking in with your loved ones? Is there a big party in heaven with music, wine, and laughter to celebrate all the moms?

I miss you so much. I am going to settle in later with my photo albums tonight and just look at your smiling, happy face. I love you so much.

Hugs and kisses,

Julie

PS - In yoga today, when we wrapped our arms around ourselves in some of the poses, I pretended I was giving you a big hug.

A Day to Remember

As I think about Mom and Mother's Day, this was such a special day for the two of us.  I made sure to spoil her when I became an adult since she was always so good to us as kids, teens, and young adults.  So if there was something we hadn't tried yet, we made sure to do it today.  Afternoon tea, wineries, Shirley Mae walks, brunches, spas, bbqs, walks on the boards, you name it!  I would usually make dinner and let her choose her favorites.  Last year for dessert she wanted me to try something new so I made dessert quesadillas with coolwhip, ricotta, strawberry filling.  She liked it a lot!

I still feel shocked that she's not here to share in this fun day.  I wish I could hug her one more time and tell her how much I love her.

It's a jungle

Tomorrow I will be driving north to visit Paul and Tara.  I know Mom would wish me a safe drive and remind me that it's a jungle out there. 

Happy Mother's Day

Mom,

In honor of Mother's Day, Julie, Paul and I wanted to create a place where we can write down all the wonderful memories we have of  you. 

I met a lady today and she was wearing a beautiful shiny claddagh necklace.  Of course, I thought of you and your jewelry and your love of your Irish heritage.  You had such great smiling Irish eyes!